The Diary of Lemy Loud
by Shenaniganon
Summary: Lemy's diary falls into the hands of his father, who decides to check in and make sure the kid's doing okay. A Loud Verse story originally published on /tlvg/.
1. Chapter 1

Introduction

Welcome, dear readers.

Welcome to the tome of a tortured soul, cast in sin from the very moment of birth.

If you hold this text, it means you have been trusted with the secrets of this soul, secrets which he has clearly entrusted to you. For the only reason you should be holding this text is that you have been entrusted it by the author.

If you have not been personally approved to hold and read this book, go no further. For an ancient curse has been placed on this volume, and if those unchosen were to read beyond this page, the Fell Beast of Pitch and Rage, Mograr, Terrible be his name, will rise from his ashen tomb to devour their bodies, and make soup from their blood, at the Sixth second of the Sixth minute of the Sixth hour from when they opened to the forbidden pages.

For those who have been selected to look over these pages, however, please continue. Continue, and learn from the notes of this tortured soul. And take his words with you to your grave, for the consequences for an oathbreaker are far too horrible to write on the page.

This is the Diary of Lemy Loud, Child of Sin.

...

"…pffhahahahaHAHAHA!" Lynn fell back on the bed, her arms wrapped around her stomach as she found herself completely unable to hold back her laughter. "Oh my god, this is TERRIBLE! Did Lemy really write this crap? Oh god, I…hahahahahaaaah!"

Lincoln, sitting on the edge of his bed, stared down at the book, which he had just narrated the first page of, before glancing over to the still-laughing Lynn next to him. Figuring it wouldn't be worth talking to her until she got control of herself, he glanced back to the book and muttered, "…why does the last line look weird, here?"

"He signed his name in blood." Lucy, sitting on the other side of Lincoln, pointed to the name on the bottom of the page, which looked different from the rest of the text. "Browning, slight residue, and this drop here…yep. Classic marks of a blood signature."

"He did not!" Lynn shot up to glance at the signature her sister had pointed out. "Oh my god, he DID! That looks just like the times you would sign poems in blood! Oh man, this is just too much!"

Lincoln rolled his eyes as Lynn kept laughing before he continued, "Shouldn't we be, I dunno…slightly concerned that Lemy is potentially making himself bleed in order to sign things in blood?"

"Why?" Lucy looked over to Lincoln. "Is that strange?"

"Well, I mean…" Lincoln thought about replying, but gave up after realizing the pointlessness of such a task. "Never mind. Wrong person to ask on that one…"

"Ohhh man, I dunno if I can make it. Seriously, any more of this, and I may die laughing." Lynn managed to pull herself out of her mirth in order to sit up again. "How did you even get Lemy's diary in the first place, Linc?"

Lincoln sighed. "I was given it. By Leia. She…asked me to hold onto it for her for a couple days."

At this, Lucy and Lynn exchanged knowing glances. There was a beat of quiet before Lucy looked back to Lincoln and said, "She's probably using his diary to blackmail Lemy, isn't she?"

"Oh yeah." Lynn nodded almost immediately.

"No doubt about that." Lincoln quickly concurred. "Should we give it back to him, or…"

"No way! Are you kidding me?" Lynn furiously shook her head. "I ain't messing with Leia! She goes after the ankles!"

"I thought Lola was bad, but when Leia gets that posse of hers together…" Lucy shuddered. "No. Wait a few days before you give it back. If Leia complains, tell her you held onto it, like she asked. She won't argue against you, Lincoln."

"Yeah, she won't hold it against her daaaddyyy, will she, Linc?" Lynn exaggerated the word, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively for further emphasis.

"Yeah, yeah…I get it." Lincoln sighed again. "So, until then, what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Oh oh, let's keep reading!" Lynn scooched closer to Lincoln. "I wanna see how crazy this train wreck gets!"

"Really?" Lincoln raised his eyebrow at Lynn's enthusiasm. "Isn't that kind of a major breach of privacy we're talking here?"

"Aw, c'mon, Linc! What, are you afraid of Mor-rar, God of Rage and Pitching making delicious soup from your blood?", said Lynn, elbowing Lincoln gently in the chest.

"Ow…no, of course not!" Lincoln shifted to get away from Lynn's not-as-gentle-as-she-thought elbows. "I just…I mean, I remember being a 12-year old boy, and it's a weird time, and it feels weird butting into his personal writings on that time!"

"Then why did you ask for us to look at this with you?" Lucy raised an eyebrow at Lincoln…not that he could see it through her bangs, of course. "We wouldn't be breaching his privacy if you hadn't called for us."

"That's…true, but…" Lincoln hesitated, as he couldn't deny his sister's point. "I mean, I got this book with no title or cover, and I open it up, and the first thing I see is…that…I kinda thought we should be a little concerned, maybe. I didn't think you'd see it as some big joke."

"You saw THAT and thought no one would find it funny?" Lynn pointed to the still-open book. "No offense, Linc, but that's like the text version of a Meat Loaf cover. It is NUTS."

"Maybe you should talk this over with Luna instead?", offered Lucy. "She's his mom, she'd probably take it seriously…"

"She's on tour…won't be back for a week." Lincoln shook his head. "Lori and Leni are busy at work, and they asked Lola to help them. Lana's trying to fix Vanzilla again, Lisa's in the middle of an experiment downstairs, and Lily won't be home from college for weeks. You two are the only ones around I can ask."

"Uh…you forgot someone?" It was Lynn's turn to arch an eyebrow. "What about Luan?"

"…I don't want this to be a big joke…" Lincoln muttered after a beat, "…so you want me to talk about it with Luan…?"

"Ah. Right, right." Lynn shrugged. "Welp, then we're what you've got, and we say keep reading. So…c'mon. Next page, Linc."

Lincoln thought about it for a moment, before sighing and looking back to the book. "All right, fine. But only because I want to make sure he's doing ok. So be a little serious about this, or I'm putting it right away, Lynn."

"Roger that, Linc." Lynn did a mock salute, before giggling and ruffling her brother's hair to relieve the tension in the air. Lincoln chuckled a bit as he fought Lynn off, which was enough to convince her the job was done, as she pulled her hand away.

With that taken care of, Lincoln's hand returned to the book and turned the page. Sorry Mograr, he thought to himself, but we're gonna be reading a little more…

...

Entry #1.

Sunday. Weather: Heat that sears the flesh.

The day begins as many do, with my sanctuary being invaded by the ferocious she-devil.

"Lemy, it's time to get moving. Lemy! You're not planning on wasting the day in bed, are you?"

Sunlight enters the room through the now opened door. I attempt to ignore it, feigning that I am still asleep, though I know it to be futile. This she-devil is crafty, oh yes, and wary to my tricks.

"I know you're awake, Lem. You're not fooling me. So, c'mon, it's…man, it's cold in here. Did you leave your A/C on high all night?"

She wastes no time bringing forth her first demonic weapon–an otherworldly nagging ability. I brace my soul for the incoming onslaught.

"You know Dad told us all that we need to bring it down at night to save on energy, right? I know this heat wave is tough, but you can't just blast the A/C 24/7. Especially not to the point your room becomes an ice box, anyway."

Heh. These nags have no effect on me. My soul takes no damage. Clearly, I'm getting stronger against her evil…

"I said get…UP!"

!

Damn! She has switched to a direct method of attack! I am powerless against the icy cold blast as she rips away my shield!

…she took my blanket away, the evil bitch. Grabbed it right off from me in one pull.

"C'mon, Lem, just because it's a day off doesn't mean you can laze about all day. We've got chores to take care of."

Grumbling, I rise from my bed, glaring silently at the she-devil, who also happens to by my older sister Lyra. A withering gaze. She is withering. And…rolling her eyes, looking a bit annoyed. So maybe…a partial withering, I guess? You know what, never mind.

"I don't know why, if you're so hot you sleep without a shirt and with the A/C at max, you also need to use a thick blanket like this as well." She returns to her nag attack, and without the mighty shield of my blanket, it is more effective than before. "Whatever…I'm on laundry duty today, so I suppose I can give it a wash while the heat wave keeps up. Use something lighter tonight, after you turn down the A/C. You won't notice the difference."

"Heh…" I decide to fight back against her assault. "For your information, it's more comfortable for me to have things this way. It's easier to fall asleep under that blanket. You wouldn't like it if I came in your room and told you to change your sleep routine because I found it annoying, would you?"

"First off, you walk into my room, and you won't live long enough to regret it." Lyra snapped back at me, attempting a withering gaze of her own. It is…actually pretty effective. "And secondly, maybe not, but since Dad asked us to because the budget is tight this month, I'd understand and deal with it for as long as I need to."

"Pfft." I try to blow her off, again fending off her nag attack with cool indifference. "Whatever, you can do the goody two-shoes thing if you want. But leave me out of it." I pause, then notice something about what she's saying that gives me an opening, as I continue, "And what's with all the sudden respect for what Dad says? Since when has his word been so important to you?"

"That's…nothing." Ah. She's trying to avoid the issue. There's something there, alright. "Besides, I don't have to approve of everything he says to admit when he's making sense. So instead of complaining about it, just do as we say and cut down the A/C once in a while."

With that, Lyra grabs the A/C remote that was lying on the floor and points it at my A/C. A few beeps later, and the loud whirring of the machine begins to quiet. Then she puts my remote in her pocket and picks up a few pieces of my clothes that are strewn about the…wait.

My remote. In her pocket.

"Hey, wait, give that back, dammit!" I get up off my bed and walk over to her, reaching out to grab my remote back before she can make off with it.

"No way!" Tucking the rolled-up blanket and clothes under her arm, Lyra fends me off with her free hand as I try and get the remote back. "And watch your language! Now stop…hey! Where do you think you're touching?!"

"A weak spot!" Unable to get around her defense of the pocket…damn this four-year age gap…I instead aim a bit higher and try to tickle her around the waist.

"That's cheat…pffhahaha…you l-little brat…haha…!" Lyra's demeanor changes as my assault takes effect. Heh, just as planned. Soon her defense will collapse utterly.

What I hadn't planned on, however, was that the discoordination resulting from my tickles might lead to her loseing her grip on the pile of clothes and blanket tucked under her arm.

I also didn't plan on said pile falling to the ground and tangling around our feet.

And I certainly didn't plan on tripping forward due to these clothes around our feet, falling into Lyra, which made her also lose balance and fall backwards.

I swear to all that is black and metal that I did not plan this.

But it did not change the fact that, a few seconds later, we had both fallen down, with me laying on top of her.

…I was very close to her face.

Close enough to see the desire to kill me building in her eyes.

I shot straight up, about a nanosecond after we hit the ground. "Whoops, heh…gotta be careful of, uh…what you're holding there, Lyra! It can be…dangerous, y'know, if you're not thinking about it, and, uh…yeah!"

Lyra kept glaring at me while laying on the ground, but the murderous desire was slowly fading into mere annoyance. Phew. That's what fast thinking will do for you.

Eventually, she just sighed, lifted herself up, and quietly picked up the blanket and a few of the clothes on the ground. She didn't look at me for the whole time as she busied herself, before finally saying, in a half-mutter, half-growl, "You are on trash duty today. Get it done before Dad and our aunts get home. Also, if you would like to have anything clean to wear to school for the week, bring me your clothes sometime in the next hour. Understood?"

"Y-yeah. Got it." Knowing better than to press my luck further, I quickly nodded. Lyra shot me a single glare as I did so, before she sighed and walked out of the room.

I watched her leave, waited about a second, then allowed myself to breathe again with relief. Well, she had made off with both my blanket and A/C remote, but overall it was a fairly solid escape after getting that close to murder-mode. It could have been a lot worse. In a lot of ways.

…Speaking of which.

I glanced down. I was wearing a pair of light shorts to bed the night before, and…they weren't hiding much of what was happening there…

…It was a good thing Lyra had stormed out of the room without looking at me too closely.

I leaned back against the wall, again damning this four-year age gap as I waited a moment for the…situation to resolve itself.

...

"Boy, they do not get along at all, do they?" Lynn muttered as Lincoln stopped reading for a second. "I mean, not that that's news, we see them fight all the time, but it's still a lot when you're seeing what one of them thinks about it."

"Classic sibling rivalry. Made more intense since they're the only full siblings in the house. I wouldn't read too much into it." Lucy also looked up from the pages of the journal. "It's pretty typical for kids at that age…I mean, we used to fight too when we were kids."

"Well, yeah, but those were just a few scraps here and there." Lynn shifted her gaze to her sister. "I mean, these two are practically at DEFCON 5 at all times with each other. I just don't think…"

"Uh…guys?" Lincoln cut Lynn off as he got into the conversation. "I hate to bring this up, but aren't we missing the bigger problem here?"

Lynn and Lucy looked at Lincoln, then each other, then the pages, then back to Lincoln, before they both replied, "What?"

Lincoln glanced at the two of them before sighing, "…Lemy probably…got a boner…from being close to Lyra, didn't he?"

Lynn raised her eyebrow, then looked back to the page and re-read the last few lines. "Oh, yeah…that's what he's beating around the bush about. Heh, well, Linc, he sure is your boy, isn't he?"

"Th-that's…not what we should be focusing on, is it?" Lincoln stammered out a reply, as Lynn and Lucy both smirked at him. "I mean, we should be concerned, right? That's not…um…"

Lincoln trailed off, and Lynn started giggling at his inability to find the words. Lucy patted him on the back and said, "I understand what you're getting at, Lincoln. It's hard to make a point that you so clearly contradict by your very existence."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, Luce."

"Don't mention it." Lucy's smirk widened just a hair as Lynn's giggling grew louder. "But I really wouldn't worry in Lemy and Lyra's case. The way they fight, I'm almost certain it was just a one-off reaction, and nothing more than that."

"Yeah…it's all part of being twelve and having all those hormones messing you up." Lynn nodded, having controlled her giggles. "Don't worry about it too much. And here, my turn to read a few pages."


	2. Chapter 2

Entry #2

Monday. Weather: Sunny, with occasional torrential downpours.

They say…that if one such as me were to enter into this lair alone, a terrible fate would befall me.

That I should be wary, for though it may seem welcoming on its face, inside it holds dark designs on those who would trespass into its realm.

That so horrifying are the things that would be done to those who would enter, they cannot be spoken aloud.

…Okay, maybe that's a bit much? Like, if I push this warning too much, people will start thinking Loan's room has a Lovecraftian horror in there, and not just a semi-shut-in with some serious mental troubs.

Still, I like the idea of a forbidden chamber in the house that we warn visitors of. Just need to workshop it a bit with Lupa. She was the one who gave me all those joking warnings about how I shouldn't be alone in Loan's room with her. Something about how the beast would strike when the prey is unaware…? I can't remember.

Besides, it's not like it's actually dangerous going into Loan's room. We've been chilling together and playing video games in there for years, why would it be a problem now?

...

Lynn paused for a second, glancing over to Lincoln. "You hear anything about the girls 'warning' Lemy about Loan's room? It's news to me."

"No…it's weird, right?" Lincoln shrugged. "Here, lemme look at that for a second…"

Lynn handed Lincoln the book. As soon as she was sure Lincoln was engrossed in reading and trying to think about what was up, Lynn motioned to Lucy, who had a complicated look on her face. The two of them leaned back, and Lynn whispered, just quiet enough for Lucy to hear, "So…Lupa mention this to you?"

"…yeah. Cryptically at first, before I made her explain more clearly." Lucy whispered back. "The girls have found out that Loan has apparently developed a taste for straight shota porn when she…you know."

"Oh…kay…" Lynn arched an eyebrow. "And that is…"

"An older woman and a…younger boy." Lucy summed it up quickly.

"…ah…" Lynn nodded, having an idea where this was heading. "Just to be clear…'younger' is…?"

"Put it this way," answered Lucy. "Lemy would most likely be in the strike zone."

"…ok then." Lynn glanced at Lincoln, still reading the book and oblivious to what they were saying. "Let's keep that between us for now?"

Lucy nodded, and with that, the impromptu meeting came to a close, as they quickly sat back up straight. Lincoln still had his nose in the book, but it was just a moment later that he sighed and handed it back to Lynn, saying, "Yeah, I can't think of what they're talking about."

"I know, it's weird, right?" Poker face up, Lynn took the book back without missing a beat. "Well, whatever. We can figure it out later. Let's keep reading."

...

And that's what today's visit was for, chilling and video games. Well, that and it had been three days since she'd come out of her room, and that's the point when someone has to make sure she's ok…well, as close to ok as she gets, anyway.

I don't mind checking in on her…again, video game time, plus getting out of chores…but Lyra has been telling me not to and giving me other stuff to do every time Loan needs a check-in, so I haven't done it in a while. But Lyra's busy today, so I managed to call it before anyone else could say no. Gonna get that game time.

Anyway, I was in front of her door…heh, all those warning and biohazard signs she puts up…get me every time. I knocked, and called out, "Hey Loan, it's Lemy. You doing ok?"

She didn't respond, but I could hear some rummaging around in her room. Well, it's not like we didn't know she was in there, anyway. Nice thing about shut-ins: Easy to keep track of.

I waited for a bit, but as there was still no response, I knocked again. "Loaaan, it's Lemy. I'm gonna come in now, is that cool?"

No response. Which meant yes. The Code of Loan's Door is a simple system: If she stays quiet, it means it's ok to enter. If she screams "GO AWAY!" and throws something at the door, maybe give her a few. Easy to understand.

I open the door and walk in. As usual, pretty much the only light in the room is coming from the tv, plus a small sliver of actual sunlight that manages to slip past the blinds, so opening the door makes the room much brighter. It's just enough to see the clothes strewn about the floor, along with a few empty bags of chips and snacks, the assortment of game consoles in front of the tv, and of course, the large lump on the bed, covered in blankets with a large comforter on top.

"Hey Loan." I closed the door behind me, lowering the light in the room again, as I address the blanket pile. "You know, it's pretty hot out…you sure you need all those?"

There was no response for a moment. I heard a few 'clicks' coming from the controller, but eventually there was a bit of rustling as a pair of arms came out of the pile and pulled off the comforter. Finally, a mass of messy blonde hair poked through as Loan finally escaped the blankets, glancing at me for a second, before looking back to the screen and muttering, "…it's nice in here."

"Well, sure, because you've got the A/C on. I know the feeling, and don't worry, I'm not gonna go all Lyra on you." I walked over to the bed as I talked. "Just saying it might be a bit overkill, is all."

"…mmhmm…" Loan murmured like that, but didn't take her eyes off the game. She was even less talkative than usual today. Something was up.

Of course, if you just wait for Loan to give you an answer, you'll be there until the heat-death of the universe. So I sat down next to her on the bed and asked her, "So…you ok? You haven't come out in a while. Dad's getting worried, and…well, we all want to make sure you're ok, is all."

Loan shuffled a bit, putting some distance between where we were sitting. "Can't leave," she muttered, after a slight pause. "They'll get me if I leave. Gotta stay where its safe."

And this was the point I figured out we had a #7 situation going on here. Not that it was hard to guess. Eight of the last ten shut-in incidents had been #7s, so I was half-anticipating this. Honestly, I think we should renumber the whole Loan code, but that's not my call.

Of course, Loan doesn't know about the code, so I just asked her straight out, "Ok, what has Lupa said to you now?"

"Incest Police. I heard her and Leia talking about it." Loan kept on playing, but her speech was getting faster and more hurried. "They were just formed by the Department of Homeland Security's dark ops bureau, the one the government doesn't talk about. They're the ones with all the surveillance and cameras and ninjas, and they're looking for us, Lemy, so we need to stay low. We have to, Lemy! And…this is the lowest I can lay."

…yeeeep, it's a #7, all right. Just like all the others.

"Loan…there's no Incest Police. Or dark ops bureau, or ninjas…awesome as that would be…or anyone looking for us." I rolled my eyes as I patted her back to comfort her. "You can't listen to Lupa, you know she just likes to start shit. It isn't real."

"But it makes so much sense, Lemy!" Uh oh, Loan was reaching for the comforter again, as she started retreating to Blanketown. "Of course they'll be looking for us! Especially me! I'm bad, Lemy, and they know it, and they're gonna get meeeee…"

"Whoa…hey! No they're not!" I grabbed the comforter before Loan can disappear again, looking her in the eyes…well, she was looking at the ground at first, but once she looked up, it was eye contact. "There's no one who's gonna get you, Loan! It's just Lupa and Leia messing around again. You know that, right?"

Loan didn't answer right away, her eyes looking away after a bit and glancing around the room. She was still nervous, obviously. Dammit Lupa, keep this shit under control in the future. If you're trying to psych out Leia, make sure you do it where Loan can't hear you. And if you knew Loan was around and did it to psych her out too…dude, uncool.

Anyway, she was still semi-freaked, so I scooted close to her again and wrapped my arm around her back. Being all brotherly and reassuring, I told her, "And hey, even if they do start looking for us, they won't ever catch us…heck, we've been making this work for what, nineteen years? We'll figure it out. Dad and the Mom Squad'll have a plan. And I'll help too. We'll make sure everything's ok, Loan."

That apparently got a reaction…she looked back to me after another moment and asked, "Y-you mean it, Lemy? You'll…protect me?"

"Yeah, of course I will. We'll all help each other out." I reached up to her head…had to stretch a bit, damn this tiny twelve-year-old body…and ruffled her hair as I told her, "You're my big sis, after all, and I'll look out for you. I'll look out for all of you. Even Lyra. Just don't tell her that, ok?"

"…ok." It took another beat, but Loan finally seemed to calm down, as she wrapped her arm around me and hugged me back. "Thanks, Lemy."

"No prob." Alright, crisis averted. Good job, me. And as I could now get back to fun time, I wasted no time in pointing to the screen and asking, "So, whatcha playing? It looks old…"

"Oh…it's a classic." Loan picked up the controller again and unpaused the game, which had been frozen since the start of that brief freak-out. "You play as a bandicoot who's trying to save his lady bandicoot from an evil scientist…it's silly, and tough, but fun."

"Uh-huh…looks cool." I sit and watch for a minute, as Loan makes the bandicoot jump across the screen. "So…what's a bandicoot?"

Loan shrugged before finishing the stage. We sat and laughed as the bandicoot got boxes dropped on his head for some reason, then after the game went to the world map, Loan offered me the controller and asked, "Wanna try?"

"Sure, why not?" I reached for the controller, but Loan held it out for a second. I wasn't sure why at first, but then I noticed her patting the bed in front of her, between her legs. Then I got the message. "Ugh…really? I have to?"

"You have to." Loan answered right away. "Big sister privileges. You said you'd do what I asked, didn't you?"

"That is not what I said, I…ugh, whatever. Last time, though, ok?" I rolled my eyes as I got up and moved over so that I was sitting between Loan's legs. As soon as I did, she handed me the remote and wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning on my back a little.

"Heheh…I got you, Lemy…" She ruffled with my hair as she held me, probably getting revenge for me doing it to her earlier.

"Alright, alright…seriously, though, this is the last time." I tried to fend her off from any more hair ruffling. "I feel like a teddy bear when you do this."

"Uh-huh…you're my teddy bear…my fuzzy little friend." Apparently, she agreed with my sentiment. Great. Well, in any case, she stopped messing with my hair, so I guess it was okay. I started up the next level, and tried to move the bandicoot around the stage. "Tried" being the main word, as since I had never played before, I kept falling into pits and spikes and water hazards. And I was doing it while being squeezed by…

I mean, while being…held by my older sister, who was leaning on my back with her…you know what, don't think about those. That's weird, right? That's Dad's kinda weird, anyway, and I ain't Dad. And anyway, thinking about this during our fun game time is extra weird, right? So just ignore it. I mean, Loan's sure not thinking about that, after all.

Back to the game, and not thinking about other things. It took a level or two, but I was slowly starting to get a hang of the controls. Loan would tell me about something I could do here or there, and I was making some progress. And she was still hugging me tight. No, not thinking about that. I had finished a level, and was feeling good about things, not things on my back. Ignoring that.

"Leeemyyy…" I heard her call my name, and I shuddered for a second, because I could feel her breath on the back of my neck. Damn that tight hug and how close we were making me all jumpy.

"Y-yeah, Loan? What's up?" I ignored the shivering and called back to her. But I guess she didn't hear me, because she didn't say anything…she just kept hugging me tight, and I think I might have heard her call my name again, and boy I could still feel those…

…Anyway, it was around that time when an alarm started going off. I almost jumped up when I heard it, because it was pretty loud, before thinking to look around the room for it. Before I could, though, Loan perked up, and I could feel her let me go and get off of my back, as she practically yelled, "Oh no, it's almost streaming time…Lemy, you have to go."

"Oh…sure, that's cool…" Right, her stream…it's basically her job. I had lost track of time and forgot that it was almost time for her to start doing that. "Right, so…you're okay then? You'll…"

"Yes I'm fine tell Dad I'll be up for dinner so just GO now!" Loan talked a mile a minute as she got up and basically started pushing me out the door. I was outside her room before I knew it, and I heard it shut behind me.

Well…ok then. I guess she was better. I just yelled back, "Ok…let me know if you need anything before dinner!", before I walked back towards my room. That was…well, it's good that she's feeling better, and that I was able to help, and that game was pretty fun, and boy those were big…

Ahhhh stop being Dad! I'm not thinking about that! Not at all!

...

"…you really didn't need to emphasize the 'stop being Dad' lines that much, Lynn." Lincoln muttered through his hand, which was plastered on his face. "I got the point."

"Whaaaat, you didn't like that?" Lynn wiggled her eyebrows at Lincoln, who still had yet to peel his palm from his face. "I thought you might appreciate how similar you and Lem are! I mean, you were just about the same age when you started to appreciate that your oldest sister has a terrific pair of…"

"THANK YOU, Lynn, I think I get the picture!" Lincoln threw himself back, lying out on the bed. He was lying for a few second before Lynn and Lucy could hear him muttering "…so that's how he sees me…well, I always kind of knew…but still…how am I supposed to…augh…"

Seeing that he was clearly in his own world, Lynn looked back to Lucy, and quietly asked, "So…your thoughts?"

"Hmmm…" Lucy thought for a moment, before looking back to Lynn and answering, "I'm pretty sure Loan knew what she was doing. And that if those alarms hadn't gone off, the ending of that entry may have been quite a bit more…graphic. In a lot of ways."

"…yeah, I think you're right on the nose." Lynn nodded. "After this, let's have a talk with her…no, first, let's talk with Lyra and figure out the situation. Then we'll decide if we need to have a talk with her…or with Lori, or…whatever."

"Auuuugh…" At this point, Lincoln's groans drowned out both of their whispers. "Okay, I think…I think we've read enough of that entry."

"Agreed. I think we've read what we needed to there." Lucy held her hand out to Lynn. "I believe it's my turn to read the next few pages."

"Oh, sure…" Lynn handed her sister the book, as Lincoln slowly sat back up. "Knock yourself out, Luce."


	3. Chapter 3

Entry #3

Wednesday. Weather: Solar Eclipse blacks out the sun. (Okay, not really, but that would be so cool.)

I am followed by two demons, intent on dragging me down the road to perdition.

One speaks only in lies, the other…actually, yeah, she also only lies. Nothing but lies and temptation.

"Hey freak, why the cold shoulder? C'mon, chat with us already. Promise we won't bite. Unless that's what you're into, ya weirdo."

"Yeah, after all, this'll be the last time in your life you'll be able to say you got two girls to follow you home. Make the most of it."

Temptation like that. And if I give in and actually talk with them? That's when the lies start.

You see, my walk home from the middle school is usually fairly lonely, as my friends live in the other direction, Lacy stays at school for some practice or another, and Lupa…I dunno, works on her plan to burn the school down? Better off not knowing what she's up to.

...

"She's not doing that. I promise." Lucy stopped reading for a moment to reassure Lincoln, whose face was a mask of concern. "She just goes to this club in town to work on the poetry that we're not supposed to know about because she's deeply ashamed of it for some foolish reason. Some teenage thing, I suppose."

"Uh, maybe she's worried you won't think it's good, Luce?" Lynn arched an eyebrow. "Most kids who don't want their parents reading their poetry don't have a published poet for a mom, after all."

"Hmm. I suppose you're right. Well, I'll give her whatever space she needs to create. She'll let me see it when she's ready. Maybe in celebration of when she burns the school down." Lucy remained expressionless as she looked back to the book, seemingly not acknowledging Lincoln's renewed worry until she continued, "That was a joke, Lincoln. Besides, I don't think fire is her preferred method."

...

Anyway, my point is that I'm used to walking a lonesome road on my way back home. Kinda enjoy it most of the time too. It's nice to have a moment for your own thoughts sometimes, y'know? A quiet moment where you can think up ideas for awesome new metal songs and no one will yell at you that they're shit. Not too much to ask for.

Except for today, apparently. Because it seems like there's a meeting of the Bad Bitches Brigade occurring at my house today. That's the only explanation I can think of for why these two are following me.

"Oh, he looked back at us, Marsh. We're wearing him down. Couldn't resist us for too long, could ya, freak?"

The one who kept calling me 'freak' would be Gwen Richards. She's in my homeroom and most of my classes, aside from the tech ones. Decent grades, friends with most of the girls in class, notorious tease and shit-talker to all the guys. Of course, most of them don't get it as bad as I do, but I'm also the only one who'll give it back every now and then. Because when you're already at the bottom of the social order, you don't need to worry about what the other girls will think of you.

"On second thought, we should probably be the ones ignoring him, Gwen. People might actually think we're friends or something."

And helpfully illustrating that social order I was mentioning is Marsha Rao. Also in my homeroom, and in most of my classes, except for math, where she's in the advanced class. Much like Gwen, she's in all the cool-girl cliques in school, except she uses ice-cold social ninjutsu to keep up her status. Like, this one kid who had the gumption to ask her to tell Gwen to stop being such a bitch? By the time she was done with him, he had to apologize to Gwen on his hands and knees, fork over his lunch money and do their English homework for a week. And all she did was talk! Scary.

All in all, not two girls you should take lightly.

Or ones you want to know how oddly…twisted your family tree is.

Fortunately, while they might know that choice piece of info on me, they also know that their ability to use it is very limited. Not because of what I could do, obviously. But if they were to use that information poorly, and it got out, then I wouldn't be the only one they know in deep shit.

"So…" I called back to them as we stop to wait for a car to turn at the intersection. "Leia call you two for something today?"

"See? Told you he couldn't resist, Marsh." Gwen elbowed Marsha in the side before she replied, "Yeah, she might have. That a problem?"

"Nah, not really." I kept my eyes in front of me, not giving them the dignity of looking at them while talking. "Just funny to know that my 8-year-old sister has you two at her beck and call."

"Ohhhh, look who grew some balls on the way home." Gwen's voice gets harsher as she mocks me. "You sure can talk now that there's fewer people around."

"Pssh." I blew her off. "Any time and anywhere you want it, Gwen. You're just not worth my time at school."

She didn't respond right away. For a moment, I had the foolish thought that she was having trouble thinking of a comeback. Really, I should have known better. She had her comeback ready. And she was enacting her plan to throw me off balance.

Without wasting a beat, she had run up behind me and grabbed me, draping her arm around my neck and pulling me in close. Now leaning up against my ear, she said, "Any time, huh? Why don't I take you up on that right now then? C'mon, I'm up for a laugh."

Dammit. It's depressing that at this moment I was having trouble forming words. And I couldn't get out of her grip. Even though it was just one arm, she was holding me really tight. She is…surprisingly strong for twelve. It's not that I'm weak. Not at all.

I was just distracted. By the soft feeling on my back as she leaned up against me.

She's not related to me! I can enjoy this for just a second! Just give me that!

"Well, freak? After that big talk, you've gotten pretty quiet." Gwen was still leaning against me, her voice getting quieter as she whispered straight in my ear. "Cat got your tongue? Or…are you enjoying this too much to complain?"

"Wh-what? Enjoying what, exactly, Gwen?" I managed to calm my…uh, my thoughts…as I replied, though to my shame I stumbled over my words a bit at first before recovering as I continued. "This little hug of yours? I'm flattered, but I dunno if it'd work out between us. I mean…"

"Ugh…Gwen, if this is gonna get all mushy and weird, then please let him go and spare me." Marsha had caught up to us, walking past us as she spoke. "I'd appreciate not having the sight of Loud trying to flirt with you seared into my eyeballs today."

"Heh, sure thing Marsh. Sorry, freak, looks like that's all you get for today." Gwen released me from her grip and walked ahead of me, chuckling to herself as she caught up with Marsha's pace.

…Yeah. I wish I could say that's not what dealing with those two is like every day for me, but it kinda is. Aside from the fact that at school, Gwen usually just uses verbal barbs, and doesn't go straight in with the headlock. That's something I'll need to remember.

Along with that feeling on my back.

Again – not a sibling! I only have so many chances to appreciate girls who aren't also my sisters/cousins, okay!

Once those mental notes were jotted down, I started walking just behind them again. The rest of the walk was short and uneventful. A few giggles and looks back from the she-devils ahead of me, but I ignored those as we continued on our way with as little interaction as possible. The sooner I got home and handed them off to Leia, the better, was my thinking.

How foolish of me, once again. Point and laugh at this fool child.

Once we made it home, I slipped past the two of them, opened the door, and readied my escape plan to point them Leia's way while I immediately headed to my room.

"Lemy! THERE you are!"

Sadly, this brilliant escape plan would never be put into motion. Turns out I didn't need to point them in Leia's direction. She appeared to be waiting for us right there on the porch.

"Heeeey…Leia." I shot her the double guns as I start sidestepping towards the hall to my room. "I, uh…I walked your friends here! I'm sure you guys have a bunch of stuff you want to talk about, so I'll just…"

"Oh no you don't, Lemy." She grabbed me before I could make my move. Dammit, I got caught. "YOU have chores to do now that you're home. Daddy left you a whole list of things he needs done, so you need to get cracking."

I take the slip of paper that she hands me. Huh, Dad's handwriting sure got shitty and eight-year-old-ish since the last time he left me a note. "Leia, these are all your chores. Did you fake a note from Dad to try and get me to do your chores for you? I'm not gonna…"

"Why, Lemy Loud! I am shocked that you would accuse me of something so underhanded!" Oh no, the faux outrage. She had all this planned from the get-go. "It just so happens that Daddy was in a rush as he was leaving, and I, out of the GOODNESS of my heart, saved him a bit of time by writing down everyone's chores for the day. And you wouldn't want to have Daddy come home and ask why you haven't done the chores he set for you, would you?"

I could hear sniggering from Gwen and Marsha behind my back. They must have assumed I was caught by Leia's little trap. But this one was sloppy. Dad would know who should be doing what chores. Maybe I can…

"Of course…" Before I could think of a way to slip out of this, Leia snatched the note back from my hand. "I could help you out with these, again out of the goodness of my heart, if you were to help me with a little something?"

I sighed deeply. Okay, so this was her angle. I could either do what she wanted or have her nag at me to do her chores all day. Which, normally, she can nag away, but Gwen and Marsha will probably help out and I'd rather not deal with all that. I just rolled my eyes and muttered, "Okay, fine…what's this little something?"

…About twenty minutes later.

"Okay, ladies, let's go over the plan once more, shall we?" Leia stood in front of a crowd of girls in scout uniforms. She picks up a pointer from the table and starts pointing out areas on the maps as she calls out, "Ginny and Hope have the area from Mason Street to Fremont Avenue, Taylor and Lindsey are on Fremont to Main Street, Katie and Maya have Main to Green Terrace, and Anna and Kylie have Green to Lee Street. Everyone else rotates between those four areas as needed, is on standby for support, or fills in for someone who's absent. You need operational support, you call Gwen or Marsha. If you run into TROUBLE, then you report straight to me. Any questions?"

A blonde girl in the second row raised her hand. Once Leia pointed at her, she says, "Isn't Lee pretty far into Troop 734's turf? We might run into trouble there."

"Well spotted, Taylor." Leia nodded, and whapped the pointed against the map again. "Yes, this section of town is usually claimed by Troop 734. However, thanks to our information gathering, we've learned that Troop 734 is currently dealing an outbreak of chicken pox, and their numbers are very limited. It's the perfect opportunity to push into their turf."

"Oh, oh!" A redheaded girl with pigtails perked up next. "Couldn't we go all the way to Lemon Drive then? If 734's out of commission, then…"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Kylie." Leia cut her off as she whacked the pointer against the map again. "If we push too far, we won't be able to consolidate our gains once 734 comes back and tries to reclaim their turf. We gotta play this sensible, push into this high value territory and lock it down. Understand?"

"Y-yes, ma'am." Kylie nodded, looking a bit flush from embarrassment.

"Don't worry, dear…you're still going to be doing good work by helping us gain the area up to Lee. I believe in you." Smacking the map once again to describe said area, Leia reassured Kylie, who smiled a bit as her face became less reddened. Leia surveyed them once more and asked, "Any other questions?"

"I have one." I mumbled from behind the map. "Do you have to hit the map that hard every time? You're hitting me right in the chest…"

"Lemy! Poster stands do not talk!" Leia smacked the map again, harder this time, making me groan from behind it. The 'little something' Leia had needed me to do was hold up this map of town during her meeting, as her old poster stand had broken and she was still waiting for its replacement. If you asked me, it probably broke because Leia hit it too hard too many times.

I didn't say that here, though, since I knew it would just get me another whack from the pointer. I just tried to hold the map slightly away from my chest to avoid the force from the next blow as I grumbled some curses under my breath. All the while, I heard Gwen giggling at my predicament. More curses were grumbled as I started planning on how to deal with this coming up at school tomorrow.

Beyond my grumbles and Gwen's giggles, the rest of the room was quiet. Leia nodded with a smirk as she continued, "Okay then, if there's no other questions, then we can…"

"Shh." Marsha shushed Leia out of nowhere, peering out the window. "Someone's here…big blue van…uh, I think that's…"

"Daddy's home!" Leia quickly pointed to the stairs. "Retreat plan Delta! My room!"

In a flash, the girls around the room sprung into action. Most of them headed straight up and out, grabbing their folding chairs as they made for Leia's room. Two girls who had been sitting on the floor came up to me, grabbed the map, and started rolling it up as they ran to join the rest. Before I knew it, the only ones in the room were me, Leia, Gwen, and Marsha, the girls sitting on the couch and drinking some juice boxes while I stood there dumbfounded.

…I still don't know where they got the juice boxes from. Those weren't in the room before.

"I'm home…" Dad wearily opened the door with a bag of groceries in his other hand, taking about three absent-minded steps before he noticed the girls on the couch. "Oh…Leia, you…"

"Welcome home, Daddy!" Leia put on a dazzling smile, the one everyone in the house knows is reserved only for Dad and Aunt Lola. "A few of my friends from scouts asked if they could come over for a little bit today! I'm sorry I didn't tell you…it just kind of happened on the spur of the moment. Is…that ok?"

"Oh, uh…" Lincoln glanced at the two girls sitting on the couch. He had a concerned look on his face, though I couldn't tell if it was a 'strangers in the house while Leia calls me her father' worry, or a 'do I have to know what Leia's gotten up to now' worry. After a beat, he said, "S-sure, honey, that's fine. Just gotta…put these groceries away, then…"

"Oh, don't worry about us, Daddy, we're all set." With that, Leia got up from the couch, Gwen and Marsha getting up right after her. "We'll be out of your hair, I promise."

"O…kay, then. Just…let me know if you need anything." Dad kept his eyes on the girls for another moment or two before he walked into the kitchen. And just like that, I was alone with those three jackals once again.

…it's terrifying knowing she can do it to you, but honestly? That was an impressive show of turning the room around.

"…okay, so…" I finally spoke again once Dad was out of the room. "Can I go now?"

"Hmm…I suppose we won't need the map for the rest of the day…" Leia thought for a moment, then nodded. "Very well, Lemy, you're free to go. Just don't forget to do those chores Daddy left for you, okay?"

I was about to walk off, then that last comment rang a bell in my mind as a spun around and yelled, "Wha…those are your chores! We had a deal that…"

"Yes, we DID have a deal, Lemy." Leia started walking towards the stairs. "I agreed to HELP you with THAT list of chores, in exchange for you standing in as my poster stand. And I already did! I brought the second-floor laundry down before you got home. See? That's a whole task you don't need to worry about! You can take care of the rest, right?"

"I-I…" Shamefully, I must admit that I could not come up with a response to her lawyering her way out of chores in time, and just stood there stammering for a bit.

"I see you're fine with it, then. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some guests to entertain." And with that, Leia turned on her heels and walked down the stairs, not looking back for a second.

I stood there dumbfounded for while longer, processing all of that, when Marsha glanced at me and said, "If you're still wondering why we're happy to work for your sister…that's why. I don't care about her age. I gotta respect the hustle."

"Damn right. Game recognize game, and all." Gwen smirked at me, before she and Marsha started following Leia down the stairs. "See ya, freak…or would you prefer Mr. Poster Stand? You know what, we can talk about it tomorrow. Later."

And that was that. I was alone, still processing and wondering if Aunt Lucy can perform exorcisms for sister-demons. After a minute, Dad poked his head in and asked, "So…do I want to know…any of what is going on there?"

"…nnnnope." I shook my head and started walking out of the room. "I've got some chores to take care of, so…yeah."

...

"…I can't perform a sister-exorcism, by the way." Lucy looked at Lincoln and Lynn as she finished reading. "I've tried during a few of Lola's more…destructive episodes. It didn't work."

"That's…good to know." Lincoln sighed as he looked back at the pages. "I actually remember this…though I was mainly surprised when Leia's 'few friends from scouts' turned out to be her whole troop."

"Well, now we know why they do so well on the cookie sales, I guess." Lynn shrugged. "Also, didn't know that those two are Lemy's classmates, not hers. I always thought her Righty and Lefty looked big for eight, and I was right!"

"Probably helps with the intimidation. Bringing middle schoolers into an elementary school fight and all." Lucy looked back at the book. "I have to say, I'm enjoying Lemy's writing style. It's quite artistic in a lot of ways, and he's very good at faithfully recreating moments, even ones that are embarrassing to him."

"Really? Well, I guess it's ok…a little too flowery for my taste, but it could be worse." Lynn grabbed the book back for her turn. "Also, it's funny that he doesn't recognize what's going on even as he writes it. Like, this girl Gwen? Leia's Righty? Huuuge crush on him."

"Really?" Lincoln arched his eyebrow at her. "That's what you're getting from this?"

"Oh, sure! Constant teasing, occasional physical contact, enjoying watching him react to stuff…sound familiar?" Lynn wiggled her eyebrows at Lincoln suggestively while giving him an elbow.

"Ow…yeah, I guess…a couple instances, actually." Lincoln rubbed his side where Lynn had hit him. "We should probably keep quiet on that, though. I don't know how Leia would react to one of her friends and Lemy together, but I'd prefer to wait as long as possible until we have to find out."

"Ah, young love…they'll figure these things out like everyone else." Lynn turned her eyes back to the book and started scanning the next page, saying, "Now let's see what we've got…next…oh crap."


	4. Chapter 4

"What's the matter, Lynn?" Lincoln craned his neck over to get a look at the pages Lynn had opened to.

"Nothing!" Lynn jerked the book away quickly. "Nothing at all, Linc! Just, phew, this next one…kinda spicy, y'know? Maybe we can skip it, you know, all that privacy biz you had mentioned earlier and…"

"I got it." Lucy, somehow, had moved to the other side of Lynn without either her or Lincoln noticing, and snatched the book from her hand as she held it out to keep it from Lincoln.

"Ah…hey! Give that back!" Lynn tried to get it back, but Lucy managed to fend her off, her many years of being Lynn's roommate helping her out now.

"Mmhmmm…ah. I see." Lucy glanced up at Lynn, a slight smirk on her face. "Embarrassed to hear what our nephew has to say about dear Aunt Lynn, are we?"

"Nooooo!" The strength left Lynn's body as she flopped back on the bed, her hands on her face. "Don't you dare read that out loud, Luce!"

"I wouldn't dream of it." Lucy's smirk widened, just barely, as she handed the book to her brother. "Lincoln will. It was actually his turn anyway."

"Oh…sure. I can do that." Lincoln took the book from Lucy, ignoring Lynn's groans as he began to read. She was the one who wanted to read the diary in the first place, so getting a taste of her own medicine would be good for her.

...

Entry #4

Friday. Weather: …eh, it was ok.

"So! Ready to get tough, soldier?"

"Uh…yeah. Sure."

"C'mon, Lem, show some spirit! I said ARE YOU READY TO GET TOUGH, SOLDIER!?"

"Y-Yes, ma'am!"

"That's what I like to hear! Warm-up time! 100 push-ups! BEGIN!"

"…wait, what?"

In hindsight, this was…likely not the best idea.

Let's rewind a bit. This isn't something I usually do. But over the last couple days, events have conspired to force me to look deep within myself and acknowledge my tragic flaw. My Achilles' heel. My only weakness.

The fact that I am very, very weak. Even by twelve-year-old standards.

It's not that there are kids in my year who are much bigger than me and could probably toss me around like a rag-doll if they wanted. Because it's not that.

And it's not that Lacy, who's only a year older than me and weighs about the same, can manhandle me just as easily without even realizing she's doing it. I swear it's not that either.

And it's certainly not that Gwen, who ISN'T a freak athlete like my sister, was able to overpower me and lock me in a submission hold that I couldn't get out of the other day. Really, it's…

…okay, that may have just a little bit to do with it.

Anyway, whatever the reasons, dark and mysterious as they may be, the spirit moved me to consider my body's insufferable weakness, and what to do about it. And, after some deliberation, I decided to consult an expert on the topic. Fortunately, such an expert happens to live with me.

Unfortunately, that expert's training style is…well…

"What do you mean, 'what'? 100 push-ups! Get going!"

"I can't do 100 push-ups! I don't even know if I can do 10 push-ups!"

"No excuses! You wanna learn to be tough, this is how it starts! C'mon, Lem! No pain, no gain!"

…yeah, maybe asking Aunt Lynn wasn't the best idea.

I mean, you can't blame me for thinking that she might help. She's a gym teacher! And a karate instructor! And a personal trainer, sometimes! I thought that she'd be perfect to ask for advice on how to start exercising. Quietly. Like, without my sisters knowing, because I'd like to surprise them and also maybe not get teased about how badly I'm doing. So, she told me to meet her in the backyard after school today, while most of them are out doing other activities, so we could get started on the basics.

However, it would appear that I really needed to figure out what she meant by 'the basics'.

I could not, in fact, do 100 push-ups. I collapsed around push-up number 13.

"12, huh…" Aunt Lynn took out a clipboard and jotted something down, apparently discounting my last push-up attempt. "Alright, now I know where you're at for that. Time for sit-ups! 500 of em! Let's go!"

"Uuuergh…" I moaned, still face-down on the ground after my last push-up attempt. "I don't want to think about the word 'up' right now. Or 'sit', for that matter. I just wanna lay here for a while, and then maybe I can die."

"C'mon, Lem, it's too early for a break now!" Aunt Lynn kneeled down and rolled me over onto my back before moving to hold my feet down. "If we stop after one exercise, you'll never make any progress at all!"

"Urgh…Aunt Lynn, there's no way I can do 500 sit-ups." I grumble again, this time looking up at the sky. "I'm not sure I've even done one sit-up in my life. It's been a blessed, sit-up-free lifestyle for this boy so far, and frankly, I don't think I realized how good I had it until just now."

Aunt Lynn rolled her eyes at me. "Boy, do you sound just like your dad sometimes, Lem."

"Didn't need to hear that." I just managed enough strength to shift my gaze from the sky to my legs, where Aunt Lynn was. "Why are you telling me to do so many sit-ups anyway? You know I can't do them, right?"

"Yeah, but what I don't know is how many you CAN do." She looked down at me and smiled. "This is Day One of your training, Lem, and on Day One? We push you aaaaall the way to your limit to find out just how much you can take. Then I can build a training regimen for you that's within your limits and can help you get stronger!"

"Oh. Great." I flop back on the ground. "Because I was looking forward to not being able to move for the rest of the day."

"Hey, you asked for this, Lem." Aunt Lynn leaned over to get back in my field of vision. "You said you wanna toughen up? That you're tired of being weak? Well, this is what it takes. So, you up to do what it takes, or what?"

I stared directly up at her for a moment, before I sighed and said, "Yeah…I'm up for it."

"Now that's what I want to hear!" Aunt Lynn's face lit up with a smile, as she went back to my legs and grabbed my ankles. "Okay then, sit-up time! Let's see what you can do."

"Kay…" I mumble as I put my hands behind my head. "And Aunt Lynn?"

"Yeah?" I heard her voice, but Aunt Lynn didn't move back to get in my field of vision again. "What's up Lem?"

I close my eyes as I ask. "You promise you're not gonna tell my sisters about this, right? Even Lacy?"

"Of course not, Lem." I could hear her chuckle. "We'll keep this private for now. You can tell the girls how tough you got once you're ready for it."

Yeah…when I'm ready for it. Or, y'know, maybe never. We'll see what happens.

Still, Aunt Lynn gave me her word, and that's usually good, so…

"O…oooone!"

…Let's skip ahead a bit. And, in doing so, gently skip over how many sit-ups I was able to do.

"Okay, push-ups and sit-ups are done…aaaand I think I'll skip the barbell training for now…" Aunt Lynn made another note on her clipboard, as I remained flat on the ground, waiting for my stomach to stop aching. She checked her watch as I continued to wheeze. "Crap, it's this late already? Liby and Liena will be getting home soon…gonna have to wrap this up. Okay, Lem, last one! Time for jogging!"

"Eeeeuuuurgh…" I moaned loudly as I slowly picked myself up off the grass. "How much jogging are we going to do, exactly?"

"Aw, not too much." Aunt Lynn pointed past the house to the street. "We're just gonna jog down to the intersection with Fremont Street and back."

"Oka…" I stopped my words as I realized where the street she mentioned was. "Aunt Lynn, Fremont is, like, a mile from the house."

"It's almost exactly a mile!" She grabbed my hand and led me to the front of the house. "I usually run there and back a few times for light exercise, but we'll keep it to just one for you, Lem. C'mon, let's go!"

…Aaaaand skipping ahead a bit more…

"See, you made it to Fremont okay…and you were even starting to make it back!" Aunt Lynn nodded to herself. "That's not that bad for day one, Lem. I'll make sure to add a good amount of jogging to your regimen to help you build up that stamina."

"Euurgh…" I was…well. It's rather embarrassing to say it, but I had, once again, collapsed during my training, as I couldn't keep jogging any more. Unfortunately, since the girls were getting home soon, Aunt Lynn couldn't wait for me to catch my breath before we headed back if I wanted to keep this secret, so…

…I was being carried. On her back. Piggyback-style.

I am ETERNALLY THANKFUL to whichever dark god ensured that none of my sisters came home early today, because I would NEVER live that one down.

"Well, all in all, I think I've got a good idea of what you can do, Lem." Aunt Lynn glanced back at me as she continued the brisk pace of her own jog. "I'll write up a training schedule for you and bring it to your room before dinner tonight. Now it's up to you to make sure you do it every day you can for the best effect, ok? I can't help you if you slack off."

"O…kay…" I wheezed back at her. "So…just how…bad am I…Aunt Lynn?"

"I mean, sure, you're not, y'know, STRONG right now, but that's not that surprising." She kept up her pace even as she kept talking. "I mean, you did better than your dad could at this age, so that's something."

"…Really?" That was…something I didn't know. "I'm stronger…than dad was?"

"Eh, you're probably about the same, strength-wise. But you're WAY more stubborn than he is." Aunt Lynn chuckled. "As much as you complained, you buckled down and fought through it. If he were in your place, he DEFINITELY would have tried to find some way to sneak out of training once it got tough."

"…ok…cool." It was…kinda nice knowing that I was beating the old man at something. Even if I didn't really have the energy to celebrate that.

"Aaaand we're home!" Aunt Lynn's pace slowed, and as I looked up we were indeed outside the house again. She glanced back at me and asked, "So, you got your legs back yet, Lem?"

"Yeah, I'm…I'm fine." I nodded and slid down her back until my feet touched down on the ground again. Granted, I wobbled quite a bit after they did hit the ground, but I managed to stay up and not collapse again right away, so I was counting that as a win. "Thanks, Aunt Lynn."

"No prob, kiddo. It was fun spending a while training with you." She put her arm around me and pulled me into a little side hug. "And hey, you ever need some more advice, or you just want a training partner for the day, you let me know, ok?"

"Ergh…got it." Aunt Lynn might have THOUGHT it was a nice, gentle little hug, anyway, but I was being crushed against her side. Damn, this woman does not know her own strength.

"Alright then, good work today." With a satisfied smile curling on her face, Aunt Lynn let me go and strode towards the house. "Now, I gotta go get ready for my karate class today. See ya later, Lem."

…I waited until she was in the house, and I was sure to be out of her field of vision, before I staggered in after her. I had a date with my bed, which I fully intended not to get out of for the rest of the afternoon. And I am happy to report that, after a string of unintended consequences with my decisions earlier today, this part of the plan was a massive success.

...

Lincoln finished reading the page, thinking quietly for a second, before glancing over to Lynn, still prone on the bed and blushing wildly, "I want to say I totally could have dealt with that much training at Lemy's age, but…"

"But you know you would be lying, because no, you couldn't." Lucy cut him off and finished the sentence in an unkind, but not untrue, way. "You would have roped Clyde into finding some way to cover for you, then gone to read Ace Savvy comics until you had to go back."

Lincoln turned his gaze to Lucy for a second before shrugging and going, "Yeah, that's fair. Anyway…Lynn, you can stop moping now. We finished."

"Nooooooo…" Lynn ignored Lincoln's advice and continued to writhe in mock-anguish. "That was supposed to be private! Lemy counted on me to keep his training totally under wraps!"

"Well, he's the one who wrote it in his diary, so it's really not your fault, Lynn." Lucy looked over to her still-writhing sister. "I mean, aside from the fact that you were the one pushing the most to read the diary in the first place. Otherwise we wouldn't have read all of that."

"Do not bring your logic into this!" Lynn shot up as she grabbed the book from Lincoln's hands. "And you were just as much in favor of reading this book as I was!"

"True. But I stayed quiet about it at the time. Gives me plausible deniability." Lucy's expressionless voice was betrayed by the slight smirk curling on her face. "But you doth protest too much, Lynn. We both know the real reason you're angry is you're embarrassed by hearing how much Lemy respects you."

"Wha…I am not!" Lynn shot Lucy a look, but her sister's smirk only widened.

"Oh, I dunno Lynn, I think Lucy's on to something." Lincoln joined Lucy at smirking at their older sister. "I mean, we see that Lemy trusts you as an expert, and that he knows you'll keep your word…true, he might think you go overboard, but he clearly writes about you with respect."

"Honestly, it's kind of sweet." Lucy chimed in again, as Lynn buried her reddening face in the book. "That boy can be so prickly on the outside, it's hard to know what he's really feeling. I think it's nice you get to know how he feels."

Lynn stayed quiet for a moment, but the expression on her face started to change as she scanned the next few pages. "Oh really?" She coyly muttered as she glanced back at Lucy. "So you wouldn't have a problem with me reading about what Lemy thinks about you then, would you Luce?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Hmmm?" Lucy's smirk shifted into a quizzical expression at Lynn's words. "No, I wouldn't have a problem…why? Does the next entry…?"

"Well, as a matter of fact…" Lynn cut her off as she raised the book up a bit. "…this next chapter does indeed feature an appearance by dear Aunt Lucy. Now, seeing as you had no problem reading about me, I'm sure it'd be fine if I went ahead and read…"

"I already said yes, Lynn." Now it was Lucy's turn to cut off Lynn's questions. "I'm honestly anticipating hearing what Lemy has to say…hmmm, I wonder when it was that he felt inclined to write about…"

Lucy trailed off into her own thoughts, as the smirk faded from Lynn's face. "Ugh, it's annoying how you're genuinely looking forward to this…hmm?" Lucy glanced to her brother, who was looking at the page with a…complicated expression. "What's the matter, Linc?"

"Nothing, just…" Lincoln was craning his neck to look at the page Lynn had opened to. "Just glanced at the page, and…uh…"

"Oh. Yeah." Lynn sniggered a bit. "Yep, before all that jazz about Lucy, Lemy left this little…present for us…"

...

Entry #5

Sunday. Weather: Return of the searing heat.

BO~NES!

Gleaming white

In the night

When they're dug up from their grave!

BO~NES!

From the dirt

Put to work

On the skeleton brigade!

BO~NES!

Marching now

To your town

That they'll sack and loot and raze!

BO~NES!

Run and hide

For your lives

But you know you can't escape!

BOOOO~NES!

*Berna-naNAna*

*BERNA-naNANA*

YEAH, THOSE BOOOO~NES!

*BER-NANANA*

*BER-NANANA*

Coming for you!

THE BOOOO~NES!

*BER-NANANA*

*BER-NA…

...

"…How long does this go on for…?" Lincoln rubbed his temples as he stopped Lynn mid-squeedly.

"Oh…'nother couple pages…they're mostly instrumental, though so, I can just…" Lynn flipped the page. "Yeah, I can skip this part…"

"Hmmm…sounds familiar…" Lucy put her finger to her cheek as she thought. "When did I hear Lemy play that…"

"Hang on…another verse here, but I think…" Lynn muttered as she flipped another page. "Ok, this is the end, so I'll start again."

...

*BER-BER-NANA*

*BER-BER-BER-NAAAAAA*

BOOOOOOOO~NES!

"THANK YOU, ROYAL WOOOODS!"

From the stage, I raise my axe in triumph, throwing up the horns with my free hand. The audience roars out. Some chant my name. Some beg for an encore. Some simply fall to the ground and weep, knowing they will never see metal as hard, or as pure, or as rockin', for the rest of their lives. It is beautiful to see.

…in my mind.

…look, sold out concerts in front of screaming fans are in my future, ok? Just cause I'm twelve and don't currently have fancy stuff like a record deal, or an album, or a band, doesn't mean I can't prepare myself for what's to come.

And that's what I was doing. Preparing. You never know how many thousands of screaming fans will be waiting for me the next time I'm on a stage. Gotta use this opportunity to be on stage to prepare for that situation.

Even if my audience at the time happened to be…one person.

…assuming Aunt Lucy was listening, of course.

I mean, she was in the room, and rocking that hard isn't something that can really be ignored, I'm sure. But she was behind the counter, and her head was in a book, so I had a hard time guessing if she had tuned me out during the whole thing.

Well, I figured I might as well find out, so I called out to her, "Hey, Aunt Lucy! How…uh, how was it?"

Right on cue, Aunt Lucy begins rattling off her takeaways. "I can't really comment on the music side, since I don't really listen to metal enough to discern the good from the extremely noisy, but I thought the skeleton imagery had something to it. The concept is fairly strong, and you do a fair job of building it up through the song. Workshop some of the verses, though–trying to rhyme 'dirt' and 'work' is an affront to everything I hold dear."

"Oh…er, right." Okay, so maybe she was listening. You can't blame me for not being sure, her poker face is impenetrable. I've lived with her 12 years and I still can't read her at all.

"In any event, it's nearly 11, so we'll be opening soon, Lemy." Aunt Lucy checked the impossibly ornate clock on the wall behind her counter. "If you have another song, you'll need to make it quick."

"Nope, that was the last one." I bent over and started putting my axe back in its case. "Thanks for letting me play on your stage, Aunt Lucy. It's good to have practice in an actual venue like this. Even if it is a poetry stage…I'll take what I can get."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. And that you were fine playing well before any of my customers came in." She pointed towards the door behind the counter. "Now, if you're all set, you can fulfill your end of the bargain for letting you borrow the stage. Your change of clothes is in the back. Let me know if you need help with any of it."

"I got it…I'll be fine." I tried to brush her off. Pfft, like I can't figure it out. It's just some fancy clothes.

Honestly, this could not have worked out better. I get to jam on an actual stage, as much as I want, as loud as I want, all for one day's work helping out at Aunt Lucy's café? A steal. A major steal. Somebody call the cops, this kid's getting away with highway robbery.

…even if I do hate these stupid fancy clothes.

…especially this part.

Lemme skip ahead a few minutes, so as to save these pages from having to hear the scandalous details of how I change clothes. It was about five minutes before 11 when I managed to finish my battle with my…attire…and walked through the doors to rejoin Aunt Lucy, who was busy making sure the counter was in order and the coffee was prepared. I managed to take a solid two steps past the door, hoping I could sneak by unnoticed, before I heard her say, "Sigh. Lemy, you cannot keep that headband on."

Yep. Knew that was coming. But I was ready for it, I thought at the time. I turned on my heels and responded, "Aw, c'mon, Aunt Lucy. I put on everything else for you, as ridiculous as they are. This crazy fancy coat, the uncomfortably warm vest, the really stiff pants, and even this…weird…tie…thing…"

"It's called a cravat." Aunt Lucy quickly corrected me. "And it helps tie together the entire outfit. Without it, the suit would look like a horrible mismatch between formalwear and…eugh…business casual. Replace it with a regular neck tie, and you look like a tiny businessman who was not paying much attention to the type of coat they were buying. Replace it with a bowtie…actually, no, that's too horrifying for even me to imagine."

She wasn't joking. She actually shivered as the thought crossed her mind. "Uh…Aunt Lucy?"

"It's ok, I'll get over it." She collected herself with a deep breath before she continued, "my point is, the cravat is essential to making your outfit reach the perfect level of formality we expect out of our servers here. The headband, on the other hand, is actively detracting from that air of formality that we're looking for. Please take it off."

"Hey, I get what you're saying there…kind of." I shrugged. "I knew that I had to wear the fancy clothes. However, among all the fancy clothes, there was nothing I had to wear on my head, so NATURALLY, I felt I could…"

"I'm going to stop you there." Aunt Lucy raised her hand. "The answer will still be no."

It was silent for a minute, the seconds ticking as the clock counted down to 11 sharp. I glared at Aunt Lucy. She glared back…I assume.

Finally, I broke the silence. "The headband is tied to my very being. It stays."

She quickly retorted, "It can stay in your pocket, where it will remain close to your very being. It comes off."

I narrowed my eyes and muttered, "I will fight the most unholy of wars for this."

Silence again, as more precious seconds ticked away. With just moments to go before customers began walking through the door, Aunt Lucy smirked and said, quietly, "I will share the photos we took of your role in the second grade play with Lupa and Leia if you continue to resist."

…ye dark gods, I can still feel the cold sweat on my back from when I heard that threat.

I managed to keep up my glare as I replied, "You're bluffing. I don't believe you could bring yourself to stoop so low."

"You're the one who declared the most unholy of wars for your headband. You should have readied yourself for the consequences."

"I had all those photos burned."

"You had MOST of those photos burned. Not all. A key oversight that makes all the difference in the world."

I heard the clock tick as I considered my options. One minute until 11. No time left to choose, and the ball was in my court.

…a not-small part of me wanted to call her bluff.

But the larger part, the one that feared the risk as too great, prevailed. I reached up and slid the headband back, releasing my locks from their familiar jailer, as I quickly stuffed it in my pocket.

"A wise decision." Dammit, I could hear Aunt Lucy's smirk grow just a shade wider. "Now then, the last thing we need to do is fix that cravat…you gave it your best, but it is rather askew. Come here, Lemy, I'll do it for you."

I meekly walked over to her and submitted to her request. I was in something of a daze. My headband was gone, stripped from its rightful place, and I was mentally adrift for a moment, as she knelt down and began adjusting the weird piece of cloth around my neck. I barely remember much of the next minute before the clock chimed to signal that it was now 11.

For example, I specifically do NOT remember thinking about the neckline on my Aunt's dress or how low it was when I looked down at her as she fixed my cravat.

I swear that I didn't notice that IN ANY WAY.

"There you go, all set." As the chime tolled, Aunt Lucy spoke again, which was enough to jar my state of mind and get me off thinking about ANYTHING ELSE and back to thinking about what I was doing. Waitering! Right, that. And being really bummed about having to take off my headband, which was stashed in my…

But wait. It wasn't in my pocket. Where the hell did it go?

After a moment of panic as I patted myself down, Aunt Lucy let out a quick, low laugh as she stood up, before saying, "Check your coat pocket, Lemy."

"My…" I looked down at the pocket on the front of my coat. Sure enough, there was my headband, neatly folded and slid into the pocket, thought in a way that showed only a little of the color and none of the bitching monster design that made it so uniquely metal.

"Like it? I turned it into a pocket square while you were spacing out." Aunt Lucy turned and began walking back around the counter. "Now you can display the headband you so love, while not ruining the formal look of your outfit. Is that better?"

"Um…yeah! Thanks, Aunt Lucy." I nodded back to her, my face a bit flush. Which had nothing to do with the view I just had, okay? Nope, that blush was just a normal reaction to a little bit of embarrassment in having my pocket picked, plus a little extra thanks to Aunt Lucy being so thoughtful in finding another way to show off my headband, and again, nothing else, and boy I was wishing that someone else would come at that exact moment…

As luck would have it, at that exact moment, someone did walk in. While I was trying to figure out how to make this interaction with my aunt end before she asked why I was so red with that all-knowing goddamn smirk of hers, the chime on the door rang out, and Aunt Lucy and I both turned to see…

"Ah…am I the first? Oh, what luck. I suppose that means I'll be able to have the first crack at a reading today?"

…the weirdest human being I've ever seen in my entire life.

He was an older guy, like sixties-ish, was wearing a top hat, white gloves, a suit with a tailcoat, a monocle, a ring of frills…ye gods, THE FRILLS…around his neck, and he was holding a cane. I'm wracking my brain to think of what else, and every time I do, I keep having to remind myself that, yes, this was an actual person I saw. Wearing everything I just described in actual public, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Good morning, Lord Bartholomew." Aunt Lucy placed her arm across her chest and bowed slightly, apparently not shocked by the thing that she was talking to. "It is, as always, a pleasure to have you join us."

"No no, the pleasure is all mine, Madame Loud." This Lord Bartholomew…which, friggin' seriously?...returned my aunt's gesture, but his bow was lower, and he held it for a bit longer, so I guess it was more respectful? "It is always an honor to be in your most esteemed presence. I do hope you will find the poems I read today to be enjoyable."

"Your words are too kind, sir. I look forward to your performance. You are indeed our first customer today, so you may reserve the first reading, if you would like it." After she said all this, Aunt Lucy motioned towards me and continued, "Our server will take you to your table now, while I go prepare your coffee. Regular, with one cream, correct?"

"Mmm…quite." The guy nodded to her, and the turned to me. "After you, boy…hmmm. You're a new face. Did you just start here?"

"Oh, uh…" I'll admit, I had been hoping not to have to speak with this weirdo, afraid his crazy might rub off on me, so when he addressed me I wasn't ready for it.

"He's my nephew, actually." Thankfully, Aunt Lucy bailed me out. "Our regular server was unavailable today, and he was kind enough to volunteer and help us out."

"Ah, is that so? Good lad." The old guy smiled and clapped my shoulder…surprisingly hard. "It's good to see the younger generation helping their elders."

"Er…yes, sir. Thank you." I quickly bowed, trying to copy what Aunt Lucy did a moment ago, as I took the guy to his seat. Once he was seated, I headed back to the counter and quietly asked Aunt Lucy, "He's…?"

"A regular. He always comes for poetry readings. He's usually in early, so he can read his before anyone else." Aunt Lucy responded, also keeping quiet. "He's not that bad at it, actually, though he might not look the type."

"O…kay…" I glanced back at the guy, who had pulled a notepad out of his coat pocket and was reading it over intently, before I looked back to Aunt Lucy and asked, "He really doesn't look the type…I mean, I thought this was a goth poetry club?"

"Most of our guests and poets might be, but we won't turn someone away if they aren't goth." Lucy glanced back over to the guy before adding. "Honestly, I don't think he even knows. I have this feeling he thinks it's just a fancy-dress poetry club. I've never asked, though, because I don't think I'd have the heart to tell him the truth. Anyway, here's his coffee."

"Right, got it." I took the coffee from her and brought it over, trying my best to keep up the 'elegant' stuff that Aunt Lucy had me practice. As I came back to the counter, more guests started to come in, and I repeated the job–take them to their seats, bring them their coffee. Most of them had some kind of note pad, or journal, or something like that with them, so I assumed most were poets as well, here to perform, while the others were just here to watch. All of them were in fancy outfits as well, though none as insane as Lord Bartholemew.

Speaking of, he did indeed do the first reading. About fifteen minutes had passed after we had opened when he put down his notebook, got up from his seat, and walked up to the stage. As he did, the general murmur of commotion in the café quickly quieted down, as the guests in their seats turned their attention to him.

He cleared his throat, with a heck of a 'harrumph', and the proceeded to say, "An ode to the August night."

It was at that moment that I fully realized what I had signed up for, and a quiet mutter of "Oh, jeez," escaped my lips before he began,

I look to the sky on an August night,

I look, and marvel at the fading light,

Though it is eight on the clock's long face,

It feels as though mid-day remains in place.

The heat had faded, and now was fair,

A smell of smoke drifts through the air,

Along with sounds of children at play,

Enjoying the last of the summer day.

Soon the dusk will take its hold,

And these sounds of life will slowly fold,

To usher in a brand-new tune,

Of those who live under the moon.

I look to the sky on an August night,

At the last of this day's dying light.

When he finishes, he gives a little nod of his head. On cue, the gathered audience gives a polite applause, to which he bows slightly before exiting the stage. As he does so, he goes not to his seat, but to the counter where Aunt Lucy is standing, and he asks, "So, my lady, may I have your thoughts?"

"Hmmm…the meter could use some work, but the imagery is quite lovely." Aunt Lucy quickly gave her critique. "Give it a bit more time, and you've got a winner, I think."

"Ah, that is good to hear." Lord Bartholomew nods, his smile widening. "It's one of my better ones, I feel, and hearing your thoughts is a good help. I hope you find my other contributions today to be equally lovely."

And with that, he headed back to his seat. I watched him go for a moment, before snapping my gaze back at Aunt Lucy and muttering, "…seriously?"

"I know, that meter was very rough." Aunt Lucy sighed as she placed her hand on her cheek. "But it did have strong imagery, and his rhyming was effective. The moon line in particular, that was good."

I tilted my head. "That…was a good one?"

"Compared to some of the poems I've heard? Yes." She answered without a moment's hesitation.

I was silent for a minute, before I asked, "…how long does this go on for?"

"The open mike poetry is from eleven to six, when we close for the day." Another quick answer. "So, another…six and a half hours."

…an hour of playing my metal on stage, in exchange for seven hours of fruity poetry, insufferable dress, and no headband?

I considered that equation for a moment before I told her, "…I wanna play a few more songs on stage after we close."

"Only after you help me clean up." She replied, smirk back on her face. "Then you can play a few before we go."

"Deal."

"Good. Now, bring this to table four."

And with that, she handed me a coffee, and I made my way to another table. I saw another person start to approach the mike, but at that point, I couldn't care. All I was thinking about was playing again on the stage. That thought might have been all that was able to keep me going the rest of the day.

...

"…how the heck are you still smiling!?" Lynn slapped the bed as she barked at Lucy. "Aren't you listening to any of this?"

"All of it. And I happen to find it incredibly charming." The smirk did indeed remain on Lucy's face, as it had the whole time Lynn was reading. "After all, Lemy was so moved by that day he helped me out that he committed it to the page. I find that rather nice."

"But…he hated it!" Lynn picked up the book and pointed to some of what she had just read. "He was making fun of all of it! He thought your peeps were super weird! And he was staring at your boobs too!"

"Yeah, that part was kinda uncomfortable…" Lincoln had a bit of a guilty look on his face.

"He's twelve. I'm not going to judge and make a big deal out of it." Lucy shrugged, the smirk still unmoving. "And I understand his tastes and mine might not match all the way. He still helped the whole time without too much complaining in spite of not liking the poetry."

"Augh, fine! I give!" Lynn grumbled as she thrust the book towards her sister. "Your turn!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Thank you, Lynn." Lucy took the book back, though she stayed on the pages Lynn just read a bit longer, apparently taking in the story she had featured in before she moved on to the next one.

"Hope you get a spicy one!" Lynn continued to grumble as Lucy began scanning the next entry. "Really would be nice to see you get all flustered for once…"

"Maaaybe we should stop now?" Lincoln tried to cut in. "Starting to feel like this might be turning into a competition, and those can get out of hand quick. Besides, I think we've done a solid job of invading Lemy's privacy for one day, right? What do you say, Lucy?"

Lucy, however, was silent, still staring down at the book, still scanning the next entry. Her sister and brother gave her quizzical looks for a moment, until the realization broke over Lynn and a beaming smile curled across her face. "Oh my god, you really DID get a spicy one, didn't you!"

"What? I…no, it's…that's not…" The goth uncharacteristically started stumbling over her words, even as her face remained blank as ever. She glanced at her siblings, then back to the book, before muttering, "It's…well, there's…a lot going on…"

"It's okay, Luce, we can stop here…" Lincoln used his sister's hesitation and again tried to bring the diary reading to a close.

Lucy, however, shook her head. "No, I'll read it. You both read two, so I'm fine with doing my second. So…here goes…"

...

Entry #6

Tuesday. Weather: Everlasting fog turning to boringly overcast later in the day.

…Five of them. I had five left. And I'd had five for the last week or so.

I checked them for probably the sixth time today. Yep, still five smokes left. Still hasn't changed. Like, what, was I expecting a sixth cigarette to magically appear? Like that would happen.

…man, I really did want a smoke right then. And Lupa was supposed to be giving me back the lighter, so I thought I'd be good.

But then…this is Lupa. Like always, I had hoops to jump through.

It was just after my sixth check that there was a knock on the door. It probably was Lupa, but I wasn't sure, so I quickly closed my drawer that contained my contraband before I called out, "Come in."

The door opened, and sure enough, in walked the familiar snowy dome of my 13-year-old sister, looking bored as she glanced my way and asked, "Sup, Lem?"

"…nothing much, Lupe." I greeted her, my eyes darting to the door, which remained open.

"Heh…right, right, I gotcha." Lupa smirked as she closed the door. "You can relax, though…the others aren't hanging out around your room trying to see what weird shit you're getting up to."

"First off, that's not true…Lyra's always watching and waiting to pounce. You can never be too careful with her." I replied to her as she took a seat on my bed. "And second, this is a little more than 'weird shit', so not sorry if I'm being a bit overcautious here. Anyway…hand it over already…"

"Right, about that." She leaned back on my bed like it was her own, not caring a second about getting comfortable on a guy's bed while he was in the room with her. "So…some bad news."

I knew right there and then this was gonna be capital-t Trouble. It only took a second for that little announcement to linger in the air before I said, "Okay then, out with it…what were you trying to burn that you wasted the lighter on?"

"Man, I wasn't up to anything, okay?" Lupa shrugged, as I immediately put that statement in the 'Probably not true, but I don't really want to find out' file. "I was just trying to light up one more time before I gave you back the lighter, but I just couldn't get it going. Sorry, Lem, but it's totally out of gas."

"Aw, man…just my luck." I groaned as I leaned back in my chair. "The one day I've been really wanting a smoke, the lighter craps out."

"Yep…bad luck there, bud." Lupa put her hands behind her head. "Welp, nothing we can do about it, Lem…unless, well…"

She trailed off there, as if she was thinking over what to say. But I know Lupa. She's egging me on. Heck, she probably rehearsed this before she came in here.

Still, if I didn't play along, I'd be stuck in no-smoke-for-you mode all day. So, after a sigh, I asked, "Unless what?"

Another smirk started curling across Lupa's face as she said, "Well…our only problem is, we don't have a lighter, right? Really, it's an easy fix. We just have to go out and get a new one."

"Yeah? And where are we gonna do that?" I cocked my head as I asked her. "You know as well as I do that all the shops around here don't sell lighters to kids. So, unless you want a repeat of that time Aunt Lucy scolded you for trying to use a fake id and cussing out the…"

"Ah, ah…you're misunderstanding me, Lem." Lupa jumped in before I could finish. "I never said 'we need to BUY one'. I said, 'we need to GET one'."

With that, she turned her head and wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. Not that she needed to do that. I got what she was saying.

"…nope. No way." I spun around in my chair, looking away from her. "Not getting involved in any of that, ok? Leave me outta it."

"Alright, suit yourself…guess we'll just have to wait until we can get one from one of the guys at school." Lupa continued to address me as I kept her out of my field of vision. "I mean, sure, that might take a few days, but whatever…I'm not the one that's been jonesing for a smoke all day. But hey, if you can wait that long, I'm good."

She went quiet after that, doing…something. Not sure what. Still wasn't looking at her. Because there lied temptation. And I'm not talking amateur-level temptation, like what Gwen and Marsha try to pull. Lupa's a pro, and she's had twelve years of growing up together to know what made me tick. If I looked back, she'd get her claws into me. The best way to deal with this was to not look back, ignore her, and eventually her boredom would lead her to some other target.

…but then again.

…I really did want a smoke today.

I managed to hold out a couple minutes, but, after a hefty sigh, I leaned back in my chair and looked over to Lupa, who had pulled out her phone and was playing a game. She briefly glanced my way, her smirk widening, but said nothing else until I finally went first and mumbled, "You know, Officer Macgruff at that stupid assembly told us underage smoking only leads to a life of crime."

"Oh yeah, I remember that one." Lupa chuckled a bit. "Didn't really stick with me, though. Something with us abominations, ya know? Hard to care about the little stuff when your very existence is a crime."

"…yeah. Guess so." I sat up again and spun towards Lupa. "…so what's your plan?"

…Skipping forward a bit.

Lupa and I were at a convenience store, about a twenty-five-minute walk from the house. Not too far, but not close enough that they'd recognize us from the neighborhood. More importantly, one where the guy minding the register was an older dude whose eyesight was fading. I was looking at the sodas, Lupa at ice cream, normal-looking as could be for unaccompanied minors. We browsed for a few minutes, not doing anything to draw attention, and also waiting for the one guy who had been in the store when we entered to leave.

That was when I gave Lupa the signal to go.

She didn't respond to me, as planned. Instead, she grabbed an ice cream bar from the freezer and headed over to the register. The old guy looked at it, and rang it up, but before he could say the price, Lupa asked, "And how about one of those $5 scratch tickets, too?"

"Wha?" The old guy gave her a look over, before trying to wave her off. "Man, I can't sell them things to kids. Come back when you're old enough."

"Come on, it's only five bucks." Lupa leaned forward on the counter as she kept asking. "I'm every bit mature enough to lose five bucks on a stupid scratch ticket as any adult who buys them."

"There's laws involved here, kid. I ain't messing with that." He shook his head again. "The answer's still no. Nothing I can do about it."

"Sure you can…you can just look the other way." Lupa smirked at the guy again. "You just punch it in, and I walk out of here, and you never hear anything from me about it again."

The old guy had apparently had enough, as this new request got him to point his finger at her and growl, "Now listen here, you little…"

"Woah! Cut it out, cuz!" It was at this exact moment I came over, getting between Lupa and the counter as I put my soda up with her ice cream. I looked to the guy and apologetically said, "Sorry about that…can't let her out of my sight for a minute without her trying something. I'll cover hers too…how much?"

"Huh? Oh…" The quick shift from Lupa to me apparently caught him off guard. "Uh, that's…$3.75."

"Sure thing, here you go." I handed him a five. He rang it up, slid me the ice cream and soda, and handed me my change. With a nod, we both walked out of there, and quickly moved out of the area as we headed back home.

After about five minutes, I looked back and said, "Alright…we're far enough…and there's no one around. I gotta take these things out now. The cardboard chafes like crazy."

We stopped, as I kneeled and pulled down my sock. I had worn big, baggy socks, which were perfect for hiding the lighter I had stuck down them while Lupa was drawing the attention of the dude at the register. Unfortunately, the lighters at the store had those crappy carboard backs to them, which I had to shove in my sock quickly to have time to make it look natural, which was HIGHLY uncomfortable as we started walking back.

"Really? Just a shitty Bic one?" Lupa grumbled as I pulled the thing out. "Couldn't you have grabbed something a little better?"

"There's a lot of them and they're cheap…he won't care enough to notice it's gone." I grumbled back as I slid the lighter in my pocket. "You want a better one, you swipe it."

"Eh, whatever…as long as it works." She shrugged, and we continued the rest of our walk back home in silence. We passed a few people on the street, but I kept my head down pretty much the whole way, trying not to draw attention to myself, even though there was no reason for them to be suspicious of me. Something about just pulling off something shady made me a little jumpy, even though I knew we got away with it.

Once we got close enough to the house, Lupa started unwrapping the ice cream bar she had picked out. "Good job, Lem…I think I'll call that a success."

"Yeah, yeah…seriously, though, I don't wanna have to do that again. Leave me out of it next time." I shook my head as I opened the door. "And you owe me a couple bucks for that ice cream."

"Yeah, yeah…I'll get you back." Lupa walked in and slumped on the couch, taking another bite out of the ice cream. "Next time you want some ice cream, let me know."

"Yeah…sure." Boy, take THAT one to the bank. Not liking the odds of that ever happening. She'll just find some way to spin it into another favor, or something like that, and what I'll end up getting back is…

"Actually…want some of this?"

My train of thought was interrupted as Lupa called back to me, waving her ice cream bar in my direction. I arched my eyebrow at her and asked, "What?"

"You know…some of my ice cream. You can have some. Even it out a little that way." She was still smirking as she looked back at me, patting the seat next to her. "You did pay for it, after all."

…I didn't know what she was up to at the time. This was a new one.

Still, I figured that a bite of this ice cream was gonna be the most I was gonna get out of that transaction. So I shrugged, and sat down in the seat next to her, and held my hand out, expecting to be passed the ice cream bar.

She did not pass it to me.

With the bar in one hand, she scooped out some ice cream from the center with two fingers of her other hand, which she then offered to me with a simple, "Here you go."

…on her fingers was a little dollop of ice cream. Not a bite…heck, it wasn't even a spoonful.

"…what is this?" I glared at her, taking my eyes away from the ice-cream-covered fingers for just a moment.

"It's some ice cream. Like I said." God, that damn smirk on her face was as wide as I've ever seen it. "You don't want it?"

"I…who'd want to eat ice cream from…" I stammered out my response.

"Aw…really?" Lupa flashed a devilish look as she watched me. "I mean, I guess that's okay…I can finish it if you don't want to…after all, it's gonna start melting soon…"

She trailed off. She didn't need to say any more, after all.

Why was she doing this?

Was she just trying to rile me up, or something?

What was she getting at?

Why…

Why did I want to eat that ice cream so much?

I don't even know why I did it. Maybe my body was on autopilot. But, for whatever reason, I didn't stop myself.

I leaned forward, stuck out my tongue, and licked at her fingers, lapping up the ice cream.

"…there you go…" I heard Lupa mutter that, or maybe I imagined her mutter it, or…I don't know. I was…every part of my mind was focused on her fingers.

I had licked off most of the ice cream, but there was still a trickle left, further down her fingers…so I went to lick them off.

But before I could, Lupa stuck one of the fingertips in my mouth.

…and I just went with it, and drew them both in, licking off the remaining ice cream as I sucked on her fingers.

I remember the sweetness of the ice cream giving way to a salty taste, then the realization that it was the taste of her sweat, or just her fingers, or just…her.

I remember the feeling of her soft fingertips on my tongue, as I licked at every corner of her fingers.

I remember the little, trickling line of saliva that hung in the air between my mouth and her fingers for a moment once she took them out.

And I remember…

I remember jumping to my feet, hoping to escape before she noticed how…excited the last few minutes had made me.

As soon as I got to my feet, I circled around the couch. I had to get out of here. I got the lighter, got back home, and was going to go have a smoke. That was the whole point of all this, right? Not…whatever just happened. Put that out of your mind, I told myself, and just get out of…

"Lemy."

I froze. The second I heard her call out to me, I couldn't move the way I wanted to.

The last thing I needed to do was look back.

But that's what I did.

I looked back and saw Lupa with an enraptured look on her face, her fingers still wet from my drool.

And I watched her take those wet fingers and slowly put them in her own mouth.

I heard her coo as the fingers went in, as well as a slight sucking sound once they were fully in her mouth.

And I watched her pull them out slightly, then back in, once or twice before she withdrew them fully, now covered in her own saliva.

And I watched her trail them down past her beautifully full lips.

Past her chin, and past her neck, and…past her breasts…though they…lingered there for a second…until going down to…

…!

I left.

I had to leave.

If I didn't…terrible things would happen.

…so I don't know how far down her body those fingers went on the couch down there.

…Dammit, what the hell was that? Was I just being teased again? Was that all to get out of paying me back for the ice cream? Or just…I dunno, a prize for going along with her plan?

Augh, goddammit, Lupa, what the hell was going on in that snowy head of yours!? You can't just do that to a guy and leave them hanging! This is torture!

...

That was the end of the entry. Lucy glanced at the opening for the next entry, to confirm that that was all, before slowly closing the book and laying it down on the bed beside her.

The three adults were very quiet for a moment, processing what they had just read, before Lynn cracked first, flopping back on the bed with her hands on her face as she yelled, "Good LORD, what the hell was THAT?!"

"That was…a lot." Lincoln's face was beet-red, and he shook his head. "Well…I don't think I can keep quiet on having this anymore. I mean…I'm gonna have to talk to Lemy about the smoking and petty theft, right?"

"THAT'S what you're taking away from this?" Lynn shot back up as she looked at her brother. "That was practically the opening of some crazy romance novel, and you're just ignoring it?"

"I'm thinking about the issues that I have a chance of wrapping my head around first!" Lincoln replied, his own palm meeting his face now. "All of…that…I don't know how we should deal with, that, so, I'll come to it later! But I KNOW how we should think about the kids smoking behind our backs and stealing from stores! Right, Lucy?"

Lincoln turned to his younger sister, expecting a response, but one was not forthcoming. Lucy continued to stare, silently, at the wall, not turning her head to even acknowledge Lincoln's words.

"See! That stuff at the end broke Lucy!" Lynn pointed at her younger sister. "I mean, jeez, I dunno how you can even think about something else right now! That's gonna stick with me for…"

"MOM! Hey, Mom!" A voice called out from outside the room, by the door. On instinct, Lynn and Lincoln got up from the bed, Linc quickly swiping the book that sat next to a still-frozen Lucy, in the half-second before the door was thrown open, as Lynn's daughter Lacy bounded into the room. "Here you are…oh, hey Dad, Aunt Lucy!"

"H-hey there, Champ." Lincoln weakly waved hello, while Lucy…maybe twitched her head in Lacy's direction? Not much, though. Lincoln continued, "What, uh…what's up?"

"Oh, it's the best thing! Mom, listen to this!" Lacy excitedly turned to Lynn. "At track practice today, Coach said my time got even better at both the 100 and the 200! He said if I can hit those times at the next meet, I'll break the school record!"

"Wha…no way!" Lynn's eyes grew wide. 'I set those records!"

"I know!" Lacy's excitement continued unabated. "Coach said he'd never heard of a mother and daughter both breaking the record before! I can't believe I might be able to do it!"

"We need to celebrate! No, wait…you need to do it in a meet first…" Lynn was clearly panicking with excitement. "Okay! Let's get you some extra training before that meet so you can CRUSH my time! You up for it?"

"Yeah! Let's do it!" Lacy was practically jumping in the air. "Let's go right now!"

"That's my girl!" Lynn hi-fived Lacy, as the two of them raced out of the room, a shout of "YAAAHOOOOO!" trailing behind them as they dashed out.

And, with the hurricane now gone, Lincoln and Lucy were alone in the room. Lincoln stared at the open door they had just dashed through for a moment before chuckling and muttering "Yeah, can't imagine how you'd be able to think about anything else after reading that…" as he closed the door again.

Lucy had yet to move a muscle since she had laid the book down. Lincoln sat back down next to her, ruffling his hand through his hair, as he asked, "Well, Luce…not that I don't get how you're feeling, but…any chance you'll be able to comment on…"

He glanced over to his sister, intending to complete that sentence, but his words died in his throat. Lucy had finally moved.

Specifically, she had put her fingers in her mouth, and was licking them lightly.

She did this for a moment or so before withdrawing them, thinking for a second, and stating, very matter-of-factly, "Huh. They do taste salty."

Lincoln stared at her, mouth agape, unable to resume his train of thought. Seeing this, Lucy looked over to him and said, "Now, in response to your question, obviously, we have to talk to the kids about the smoking and stealing. I'll make sure to speak with Lupa as soon as I can. As for Lemy, I'll leave that to you and Luna. If you need any advice, I am available to give it."

"Oh…good." Lincoln recovered, scratching his head. "Yeah, that…that makes sense, I guess. Okay, well…then I guess we should…"

Lincoln moved to get up, but before he could, he noticed Lucy holding onto his sleeve. He looked to his sister, who fidgeted for a moment, before saying, "So…we have the room to ourselves for a minute…"

Lincoln's eyes widened as he got where Lucy was going. "R-really? Now? After…that?"

"Admittedly, I have…mixed feelings about that, but…" Lucy looked into her brother's eyes. "It…reminded me a little of…when an odd little goth girl fell in love with her brother, and…"

The two of them fell silent, unsure of what to say, but soon they found themselves drawn to each other, and quietly kissed. Lucy leaned back, as her brother deepened the kiss, and soon he was on top of her, as they laid on the bed. His hand caressed her shoulder, before starting to travel down her body…

And then, all at once, he stopped himself.

Lucy noticed quickly, as he pulled out of the kiss, an exasperated look on his face. "Lincoln?"

Wordlessly, Lincoln let out a sigh, got up from the bed, and walked over to his closet. As soon as he arrived, he grabbed both closet door handles and flung them open.

Inside, a snowy dome to match his own sat atop the girl who was sitting in the closet, now staring up at him with a look of resignation, knowing she was caught.

"Heeey…Dad." Lupa tried to play it cool. "How's your day been? Mine's been…kinda boring, really, but…"

"Lupa." Lucy spoke before Lincoln could, getting up from the bed, her voice betraying just a bit if the exasperation she shared with Lincoln. "What were you doing?"

"Me? Nothing much." Lupa shrugged. "Just chilling, you know, kinda thinking about…"

Before she could continue her statement, Lucy reached down and grabbed her by the scruff of her hoodie's neck. "What were you doing in your father's closet?"

"Oh. That." Lupa thought for a moment, then, apparently deciding the jig was up, confessed, "I saw Dad invite you and Aunt Lynn to his room, and figured I might be able to 'stumble' on you guys mid-threeway. Thought that would be my best way of getting in on the action."

Lincoln's palm went straight to his face, as Lucy sighed, tucked her daughter under her arm, and told Lincoln, "That talk I needed to have with Lupa…I think I'll do that now. I'll see you later, Lincoln."

And with that, Lucy walked out of the room, carrying her daughter with little difficulty. Lupa protested, "Hey, lemme…ergh, how are YOU strong at all?"

"I bunked with your Aunt Lynn." Lucy replied quickly. "I had to be to survive."

Lupa tried to resist, before giving up under her mother's grip. "…are you mad that I just cockblocked you?"

"I'm mad about a lot of things, Lupa. We have a lot to talk about."

"…Is me cockblocking you one of those things?"

"You can ponder that thought as you work out precisely how grounded you are about to be."

Lincoln heard their back and forth as they walked down the hall and down the stairs, until they slowly faded. And just like that, he was alone in his room.

Well, the only person. The book was there keeping him company, he supposed.

He glanced at it once more, laying on his dresser where he had put it after Lynn and Lacy left, before sighing, "Think I'll…hold on to that…at least until I talk to Lemy about a few things…" as he, too, left the room.


End file.
